For the same price, I could've gotten the ben wah balls.

I felt like doing something different, so I bought one of those "sexy lingerie" outfits and tried it on before coming to bed the other night.  As soon as I looked at myself in the mirror, the only "mood" I was in was to call a cosmetic surgeon!

Having a, let's call it "petite" body frame, I should have known I was headed for failure when I read the "One Size Fits Most" tag on the bikini top. Completely false advertising. Unless "MOST" is an acronym for Massively Over-Stuffed Tatas, and that's what you've got, the peek-a-boo feature quickly turns into peek-a-boo-hoo. At least for me it did.

I had high hopes for the crotchless undies. It sounds like a very sexy concept. But when I put them on, I immediately thought, what's the sense? I'm not covering an area that I don't want to be covered anyway. Should I now put on a ski mask for the same reason? Stupid. Off they went.

It also came with a blindfold. Ah ha! Something I CAN enjoy! Except this one was the size and shape of a stiffened maxi-pad and covered with slippery polyester, and the flimsy rubber band snapped as I was trying to adjust it to a tighter fit. That tag read "Made In China."

My husband yells in from the bedroom "What are you doing in there?" Wasting time is my initial thought. He always says he'd rather have me completely naked anyway. Smart man.

Note to self ... you never look like the picture of the model on the box. Not even close!

Shhhh! Here's a secret ...
HDBW has a slamming body and looks great in certain lingerie.
Just not this.

Thank God For The Hidden Eggs

My Saturday night swilling led to a session behind locked doors with the kids running around the house playing with the puppy. In my younger years, I would have felt inhibited by that, but now my mentality is "get it while you still got it, or at least while you can." This morning, tragedy was averted by pure luck. I sent my pre-teen daughter into my bathroom to blow dry her hair, completely forgetting TWO sex toys were left unattended in there. The angels of shag must have been on my shoulder last night, since I at least had the wherewithal to cover them with a hand towel. She decided not to blow it dry, combed it instead into a pony tail, and exited before discovering mommy's little helpers. 

Sometimes, what we hide stays hidden and it's for the best. Sometimes, what we hide is found because it's meant to be. I'll think about that again today as I purposely hide plastic eggs, placing some in spots where I know they will be easily detected. So on that note, have yourselves a very Happy Easter, or for the Greeks, Happy Palm!
(Sounds like a good name for an Oriental Spa!)