I have had a surge of unexpected energy and it motivated me to blog. Or perhaps it was the day I just had. Excuse me a moment whilst I turn off James Brown's YOWS-ing from xpn's Funky Friday segment ... I cannot compose my thoughts and listen to music simultaneously. Ah, that's better. The clicks and taps from the baseboard radiators and the Friday evening work traffic buzzing by are all I hear now.
Hot yoga with Dorian was how I began this Friday. Surrounded by 20 and 30 and 40 somethings, I feel like a powerful representation of what the new 55 looks like. I know it's not that old, but when I can keep up with and even surpass those youngsters, it feels like a super power reserved for only those who don't know what a Rolodex is. I think of how far I have come from when climbing steps meant sharp pain with each riser and squatting was impossible. How I can tolerate the intense heat and the drops of sweat that enter my nostrils and cling to my eyelashes like a prisoner valiantly withstanding a Chinese water torture. My lungs fill and my chest expands and contracts rhythmically as we are reminded that yoga is "breath with motion" and focusing on that clears my head for that 75 minutes. It is the only thing that is able to. Clear my head, that is.
Later, a sit down with my husband in a local bar. We have remained caring and patient with each other throughout this separation. It is time when important decisions must be made. Financial decisions. Divisional decisions. He insists it is so simple. I am made to feel like I am the antagonist, looking to complicate things unnecessarily and for selfish reasons. As is so many other aspects of our relationship, we disagree on the best way to handle this. We were partners, so I thought, in everything. But now, I am labeled a helper. This will all work out, as mom always says. Everything does. I pay the bill, and he thanks me for the drink. I say, laughingly, that's going in his column. He finds it unfunny and calls me insane and asks "you know what I can't figure out about you?" and I say don't tell me. Because after all this time, he should know.
