Invited friends over for an impromptu gathering the other night. We spent the night sitting around the kitchen table eating and drinking, the men talking with the men and women talking with the women. While enjoying a nice salad, my female friend, who is Israeli, commented on how she and her family eat a lot of salad, but in the Israeli style, without the leafy greens. So we chat more about all things salad.
Me: "Ever put alfalfa sprouts in your salad?"
Her: "No, but I love them on sandwiches. Funny story. My 11 year old once saw me eating sprouts in my sandwich and informed me that they looked like sperm!"
Well, we had a laugh over that one, then took the conversation in a completely different direction.
Me: "Mmmm, sperm on a sandwich. I wonder if that would make it easier to swallow."
Her: (cracking up) "I doubt it!"
At this point the husbands are now getting a drift of our conversation. I think hearing the word "sperm" coming from the other side of the table put the brakes on their discussion.
Him1: "What are you saying? Sperm?"
Her: "Yes, we are saying that no matter how you disguise it, sperm is hard to swallow. Wouldn't you agree?"
We, on the female side of the table, are still smiling and find this amusing. The men do not. Awkward silence. A short clearing of the throat is all that one has to offer. A jerky body movement signaling discomfort from the other.
It was then that I realized how wives speaking about oral sex in mixed company could be so disabling to their husbands. To be honest, I find candid talk about the intensity and frequency of spousal flatulence more horrendous and embarrassing.
The topic quickly changed, as you may have probably guessed, and the night resumed with all its predictability. But it got me wondering why it is so difficult to just be loose, verbally, about sex with other couples and just have fun with it. I am finding that throughout my life, no matter how mature I have become, how worldly or educated, I have yet to discover any significant people in my life who I can speak freely with about sex.
There is always the boundary factor. Which is not to say boundaries are not important. I would find it a form of betrayal to reveal the intimate details of my marital sex life. I also find it repulsive that some men, and women, have no problem mouthing off in a locker room way specifics on what their mate does or does not do, or how well or badly they do it. Then you have the impression factor. Women who initiate sexual discussions are tagged horny, and likely promiscuous. Even between girlfriends, I am often skittish about sex chat since it evokes sudden awkwardness and shut down. I am not prying. I am not turning lesbo. I am simply tired of talking about kids and husbands and work and am dying to know if you own a dildo. And any other details about it you'd like to share.
Am I being too nosy or insensitive to another's privacy? Maybe. Turn me off like an annoying reality show by telling me to mind my own business, I won't take offense. I just wish that honest, funny sex chat between friends of both sexes didn't have to be so rare. Or so hard to swallow.
I don't like vibrators. Nothing beats the real thing.
ReplyDeleteMy friend cringes if the discussion of sex is brought up. She is very old fashioned and prudish and I get the sense that she and her man rarely "do it". So you can imagine my surprise when I was visiting at their home recently when her man, OUT OF THE BLUE, asked ME if I liked it DOGGIE STYLE! First of all let me say.....this guy grosses me out! I have NO idea what my girlfriend sees in him. There was no way I was answering him. I invisioned him fantasizing me doing it "DOGGIE STYLE" while he masterbates because my girlfriend won't give him any. I was not going to discuss whether or not I liked it doggie style, with him! Here is an example of why this guy repulses me. One time he actually answered the front door while wearing just a T shirt! He appologized for his appearance and THEN he LIFTED up his shirt, flashing me,and he giggled like a school girl! I wanted to DIE. Needless to say, I did not look to see his if his junk was hanging out or to see if he did have underware on. Then he came out to the kitchen and sat on the bar stool to have conversation with me and my girlfriend. I could tell she was mortified, yet afraid to question his behaviour. WTF! So, for me....it depends on the company in the room as to whether or not I'm comfortable talking about sex. Obviously in the situation I just described, I am not. Here, on this blog,....sure, why not. Dildo....never even saw one. I don't feel the need to own a fake penis when I have the real thing laying right next to me every night, attached to the man I love who is very willing to do his manly duty, as he calls it!
ReplyDeleteSPEAKING OF WHICH.....
ReplyDeleteDoggie Style. Since we are on the subject. An embarassing moment......
My man is short, so he made a foldable wooden stool, in order to "do it" doggie style! It folds up nice a nice and is stored under the bed. No one would know our secret. Now the embarassing part. We contacted the manufacturer of our mattress to have it evaluated because it started to sag. A gentleman came out to take measurments etc. I thought he was done, but then he moved the mattress off the boxspring and then LIFTED the boxspring to see if it had anything to do with the sagging. Low and behold, that exposed our DOGGIE STYLE STOOL! I couldn't believe I had forgotten to move it! How embarrassing! What could than man have thought! I couldn't wait for him to leave!
His manly duty ... love it! What a utopia we women enjoy with all these manly men running around. Like Mr. Underwear-Only Guy, for example. He sounds like a real dreamboat. After you have finished discussing positions you can segue into his favorite episode of Jerry Springer.
ReplyDeleteYour man actually built a custom doggie-style stool? I am impressed! Now that not only shows ingenuity, but sexual creativity and a sense of individual style. It also shows he is not timid about experimentation, which is hot. I think he is on to a real money-maker there. Certainly not something they'd feature in a Restoration Hardware catalog, but possibly Frontgate ... I can definitely see it as a stocked item at Spice 2 Nite.
As for Mr. Mattress Inspector ... I wouldn't worry about being embarrassed. In his profession, I am sure he has lots of stories to tell.
The thought of making this stool for mass production actually crossed our minds, but the thought of our children finding out how me made our "millions" was enough to say.... "NAH, not worth it!"
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