More time. Or a personal assistant. Or a clone.
While we're at it ... a window in my home office. The complete elimination of the words "awesome" and "amazing" from the English language. Followed immediately by removing the repeated tendency to use the word "issue". Since when did a problem become an issue? Okay, Websters does list "emotional problem" as one of its definitions, but it is one of about six others. Just stop using "issues" so much. My head is going to explode. It's obvious I've got a problem with it.
Someone to scratch my back for more than 7 seconds. A professional back-scratcher/masseuse/hair washer/scalp kneader/hair stylist at my beck and call 24/7. The ability to afford one of those would also be nice.
A way to stop that crazy robin from flying into the great room window. The looney bird's repetitive attempts create a tap-tap-tapping sound that rivals the beat-beat-beating of Poe's clever little demonic organ. I have tried hanging dark towels in the glass, tried screaming at him through the open window below, even hitched a scarecrow-like voodoo doll on the stucco wall beside his target. Nothing works. He is determined to beat his little breast into that window until ... don't really know why. Maybe his fellow bird community have tweeted the equivalent of "amazing" and "awesome" one too many times, poor guy.
More laughing. Less scandal. Less attention to scandal. More made-up words. Like nipplitis, and quinsensines. Don't ask.
You to excuse me, this post has become tiresome.
Awesome and amazing post! ;) Christie
ReplyDeleteI can handle the words issues, amazing, awesome and even the word "like".... even when it is used 3 times in one sentence...... "Like, I mean like did you see her hair like all wild and stuff?".....you get the picture. For me, the one word that I wish to be obliterated from the English language is....SURREAL. It irritates me like fingernails on a chalkboard! We lived for centuries without using that word, now you can't describe anything beautiful or any wonderful experience without using that annoying word! Can't we go back to saying... "THAT was incredible!" or "It was out of this world!" Damn artzy fartzy people! YUK!
ReplyDeleteWe have dumbed ourselves down incredibly when it comes to the spoken word. Read "Wuthering Heights" or another late 19th century novel and you cannot help but be left "speechless" (excuse the pun) by how conversation was both complex and eloquent, at least by the educated portion of society. I'm not saying we need to get all fancy schmancy. Just not so lazy when it comes to word choice.
ReplyDeleteYes, as far as your "surreal" distaste, it too annoys me when someone over-describes an emotion or experience. Was the taste of that cherry cheese cake actually "a combination of elements put together in a strange or unexpected way, as in a dream". Probably not.
I think that crazy robin was flying a circuit between your and my houses. I used cut out pictures of hawks, vultures, cats and eagles - PLUS a big bobble head garden owl on a moveable perch. no avail. He kept seeing his reflection somewhere and kept divebombing the glass... perhaps because it's double paned glass? I don't know. Thankfully mating season is over for him. I can only hope he forgets his way back here next year.
ReplyDeleteMating season, huh? Never made the connection! I am just very happy I didn't find him dead on the ground below. Thanks for the ideas. Next time, I will try your suggestions. I'm a big fan of bobble-heads. Who knew they could be so versatile?
ReplyDelete