I remember as a kid, the hundreds of times when my father would go into silent mode. It was either due to a fight with my mom, or simply being generally pissed off about his current situation (job/bills/life). Sometimes, this would last for weeks. We would all be walking on egg shells, although I think my mom sort of welcomed the break from having to interact with him. Then, always, there was something that triggered his re-emergence. A call from someone he liked, Christmas Eve, an especially funny episode of All In The Family ... and he would be back to his normal self, as if the snubbing of his entire family never happened. No apology, no nothing. Move on and never mind. I remember feeling so happy when that moment arrived. Looking back, it was fucked up. Yet, to this day, I love him to pieces. And I think I understand it, or at least can rationalize it on many levels.
Life can be tough, but sometimes marriage is tougher.
Now, as a parent, we know that the love for a child and our own parents is 100% unconditional. Everything we do and every decision we make is for our children. Sometimes it's easy to forget that our behavior, both positive and negative, has a lasting affect on our children as well. I don't know that I could say the same about my spouse. Is my love for him 100% unconditional?
ReplyDeletebeing in a funk is an individual experience, but it certainly laps over into the experiences of those around us. i have plenty of stories and scars dealing with similar funks from mom and dad. i've been able to parlay a number of those stories into illustrations, so i have to move them from "negative" into "neutral". never a true "positive".
ReplyDelete...whatever doesn't kill you, just pisses you off.
X - I don't believe unconditional love is guaranteed in any relationship. It may seem natural/easier to feel that way toward a familiar connection, or it may be an expectation, but not a guarantee. Certainly, a spousal relationship to remain intact is conditional.
ReplyDeleteZill - From great pain (and great humor and great thought and great sex and great observation ... you get it) comes great art. Keep telling your stories. We like!